Since starting this blog almost a year ago (wow!) one thing has proven to be true, the personal ones have definitely been the most popular. You like features, but you LOVE to hear about my personal life. I cannot figure out why... I think I lead a pretty boring life!
I decided it was probably time to let you in on a little secret I've been keeping from social media. For months I've been telling you how much I appreciate your patience this season. While I have given 100% to my job I've had something that's been a little distracting in my time away from work... or rather someone...
Let me introduce you to my DAUGHTER!!!
I'm excited and scared and happy and nervous and oh so very thankful that I get to be her Mama! We haven't chosen to share this publicly yet (unless you live in our small town and have seen me) because this child of ours didn't come into this world easily. At All. We've had months and months of trips to Des Moines for appointments and bloodwork and ultrasounds and procedures and shots shots and more shots. In case you haven't guessed it, I'm talking about IVF. In-Vitro-Fertilization. An ever growing group that we never asked to be a part of.
If I'm really going to tell you our whole story I need to back up to when we decided to have Carson, who was also conceived with medical intervention, artificial insemination. After he was born we decided to take that approach again, 8 times in 2 years to be exact. All of them in an attempt to avoid IVF, but none of them were successful. In March of this year we decided to take a leap of faith and try IVF. March and April were basically trying to get my cycle in sync. I started shots in May both morning and night , then 5 trips in 7 days to Des Moines for ultrasounds. They gave us a 3 day window for egg retrieval, which was painful and awful. Thankfully they drugged me up and I slept it off the rest of the day. They were able to retrieve 15 eggs, from those we had 10 embryos. We were ecstatic. Our excitement was short lived and we were devastated to find out the odds were not in our favor, on the final growing day we had one surviving embryo. ONE. Despite this our journey continued. In July I started back on meds to thicken the lining of my uterus to make for a comfy, safe home for our little one. The transfer of the embryo was in August and then I started the big scary shots. Two weeks later I took my first positive pregnancy test. After that was a waiting game until I went to Des Moines for a positive confirmation and ultrasound. I slowly weaned off my meds every week and in October I was released to my regular OB doctor. Everything thus far has been exactly as it should. I had my 20 week ultrasound earlier this week and she is healthy and perfect.
This journey has been unlike anything we have experienced. Emotionally, mentally, physically. Maybe this is why I've always been so passionate about newborns. This process that we had to endure to have children only deepened my love for them because I know what a miracle they are. Yes we had to go through hell to get to where we are, but in the process we have a picture of our child literally from day 1. It's about choosing joy and I am finally to the point in our journey that I can say that without hesitation or doubt.
While my life has experienced alot of silent changes this past year the next year is sure to bring even more, not so secretive this time. I will be quiet for a while while I'm home on maternity leave this spring, but rest assured I'll be back! From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU for your patience, even though you didn't know. There were days I was literally a train wreck internally this fall but kept it mostly to myself. Maybe you could see it in my eyes, maybe it's just human nature to know when someone is hurting so deeply. Either way you blessed me by being kind human beings and the world needs more of that!!
I feel compelled to add this because in our small community the numbers of those facing the same obstacles are staggering. Some choose to be public with their journey but more have endured it silently. Please just be kind. While I described our journey as "going through hell" I still consider it to have been easy. Easy not figuratively but easy because it worked. We got the outcome that we hoped for in one shot. Few of "us" have been this lucky. I know this isn't easy for some of you to read, just know that there is always hope, I am living proof of that.